Be Careful

While there are no formal studies to support this, I will submit that the phrase, “Be Careful”, is spoken more frequently than any other immediately preceding a childhood accident. Yet these are the two most useless words a parent can use to ensure the safety of their child and build their confidence.

In the absence of known consequences these words are paralyzing to those unaware of the impending danger you see for them. It does nothing more than instill fear over the uncertain possibilities, is void of any positive direction that may lead your child to a safe outcome and undermines their self confidence.

Try applying this to a situation in the adult world. After excitedly announcing to your friends you finally have a job interview with that company you’ve been pursuing a voice shouts, “Be Careful!” and nothing more. Your mind spins in multiple directions, all of which are negative. How excited and confident do you feel about that job interview now? Unaware of the consequences, “Be Careful!” is paralyzing, useless and discouraging.

“Be Careful!” is a phrase that occupies the space between stop and go. As the yellow light in life, it’s only useful when the consequences are known to the person hearing these words. The yellow light you face on your drive to work does just that. The light turns yellow and you assess two issues, “Am I going to get a ticket? Am I going to get into a wreck?” If the answer is no to both, you go. The “Be Careful!” message of that yellow light achieved its purpose as an abbreviated version of the phrase, “Assess the consequences and use your judgment.”

The problem is you don’t hear parents shouting, “Assess the consequences and use your judgment!” from across the playground when their child is balancing precariously from the top of the monkey bars. Yet, this is our role as parents, not to instill fear over the endlessly imaginable consequences, but to provide clear and specific instructions that lead to success.

While your child is crossing the street for the first time, “Be Careful!” does nothing. “Look both ways for cars before you cross,” is clear, specific and leads to success. While your child is climbing a tree, “Be Careful, don’t fall!” is useless. “No shit Dad, but how ‘bout instilling me with some sense of confidence I can actually use.” Try, “You’re doing great, just focus on what you are doing!” Or after assessing the consequences will be minor, try saying nothing at all and let them learn through their own positive or negative experience.

The next time you see a Dad seemingly ignoring their child’s precarious position; don’t be so quick to judge that he doesn’t care. That dad has deemed “Be Careful!” useless, assessed the consequences and is building his child’s confidence by letting them learn through their own experience.

BeThat Dad!